So I’m just going to say it like ripping off a band-aid. This past week, I made the decision to ask my husband to leave after 11.5 years of marriage. I had found out for the third time over the past year and a half of his unfaithfulness and deceit towards me and our family. Words cannot begin to describe the agony and the despair of my heart. Because my children do not have the biblical leader as a father that I thought they originally had. And, because he was my best friend and only confidant, and this level of betrayal is unlike anything I could possibly try to describe. I have read Psalm 55 over and over and rest in the Lord’s comfort. Verse 22 says, “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”
I want to say that I am so very sorry to each and every one of you whom we personally know for how his betrayal and hypocrisy has hurt you. My heart aches, not just for myself and my children, but also for each of you.
I’m not sure when I will stop crying. I’m not sure if/how I’ll be able to trust again. I’m not sure how I am going to raise four children on my own. But one thing I’m sure of, is the Truth of God’s Word — That “His mercies are new every morning”, and that “His grace is sufficient for me”.
Of course, my ultimate prayer is for my husband’s repentance and restoration to the Lord who he has first sinned against. It will be a long road and I truly do care for his salvation. And although we are separating, I want him to be that man for his children.
Why do you ask am I typing this in a blog post? Because this is my life. And for those of you who know our family, I want you to hear this news from me and hear my heart. Everything is out in the open by now. And maybe just maybe there is a woman out there who would seek comfort knowing that she is not alone. My hope and trust is in the Lord and He is my strength! May the Lord be glorified in all things, even through this trial. This is my heart. I am broken.
Lots of love,